Unhappy in a perfect life?

What am I still searching for? This is an all consuming, frequent thought that takes possession of me, as it would a number of you too I suppose. Leaves me with a feeling of something missing in the midst of the best of everything. This phrase captures the feeling eloquently.

She’s stuck between
who she is,
who she wants to be,
and
who she should be

I would really like to know who penned this. It is a brilliant example of capturing a lifetime in 3 lines. It mirrors what I go through and perhaps everyone does. This conflict of having and doing everything you should but “wanting” something else. That is if you do know what you want. If you don’t, the confusion is manyfold.

What do you do at such times? When the need to be someone else is so strong that your perfect life seems to be suffocating? I admit I am not brave enough to make drastic changes to chase a dream. But staying on the same path forever isn’t an option either. So, I have learned to come to terms with this feeling without letting myself drown in frustration. These five points have helped me immensely and I hope that they connect with you too.

  1. Chart a plan to achieve what I want to. Nothing very grand. Just simple steps I can take every day and over a few months. I ensure not to overwhelm myself with grand plans that I cannot keep up. I have done this mistake many times in the past and set myself up for episodes of confidence crash. If you don’t know what you want, the plan could include everything you want to try before deciding on that “one” thing. But again, don’t try everything “at once”. Plan and execute.
  2. Continue with the “what I should be” while the plan is in action. They say, take it one day at a time. I bring it down to take it one minute at a time. Yes! For example, if I have to cook, I focus on every single ingredient, every stir of the spoon, every slice of the knife. No other thoughts, no suffocation, no negativity. Only a complete focus on the mechanical motion of completing the task, whatever it may be. This ensures that I accomplish the task well without hurting myself with negativity. Often, it is the resistance that wears us down. “No! But I have been doing this for so long! I can’t take it anymore. I need a &@(!! break!”. Try to avoid this mindset. Of course, we are not all saints to accept everything. However, we also need to acknowledge the futility of complaining. At such times, the path of least resistance allows us to complete our duty without being bruised ourselves.
  3. Talk and share.
  4. Do not compare. There may be others who might have reached where I want to be faster, with more aggression. I don’t beat myself for not being the best. I only try to do “my” best. I learn to take the inspiration and refine the plan. Again no point in negativity. Learn and move on.
  5. Distract. I find that I naturally read a lot in such situations. Not self-help books. Just any good book. As always, it is one of the best remedies to a restless soul. If you don’t read, do anything that you do like. Maybe just take a walk every day, do a cross word, paint, listen to music or watch old movies. Whatever it is that keeps you engaged and happy.

Hope this helps! Please do share your experiences and thoughts on overcoming negativity.

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2 thoughts on “Unhappy in a perfect life?

  1. Wow I can totally relate to this post. I have faced that predicament for many years, trying grand things to make the change my dreams demanded of me, only it felt like my “should be” life was pulling me back. My worst moment, the epiphany, was when I was on a “take massive steps and have massive results” type of course, only to realise I didn’t want anything to change. And not because I achieved my dreams, but because the “should be’s” had such a hold on me, that I wasn’t willing to take massive steps. For a long time, I stayed in this ‘unhappy in a perfect life’ state, and only recently decided that I could do it my way. Which was be the ‘should be’ for now, while taking baby steps towards my dreams. I accepted I was where I was, if not for my own sake, but for the sake of others, and that it would all come together eventually. Like your post describes, I came up with exactly all those steps to help myself too. I didn’t want to miss out on what was happening in front of me, because I was staring into the future at out-of-reach dreams. But I didn’t want to let go of my dreams either, so I did both! And yes, a great book is a perfect escape, not only giving you a break but giving you perspective on your own life. Thank you for this post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Really really happy to see this from you! I believe almost all of us “aspiring” people are faced with this decision. To break free or to try and integrate the dream.

      Seeing that you have been successful in the journey and having figured it out triumphantly is really heartwarming. Congratulations on having done it and doing it on your terms! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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