What am I still searching for? This is an all consuming, frequent thought that takes possession of me, as it would a number of you too I suppose. Leaves me with a feeling of something missing in the midst of the best of everything. This phrase captures the feeling eloquently.
She’s stuck between
who she is,
who she wants to be,
who she should be
I would really like to know who penned this. It is a brilliant example of capturing a lifetime in 3 lines. It mirrors what I go through and perhaps everyone does. This conflict of having and doing everything you should but “wanting” something else. That is if you do know what you want. If you don’t, the confusion is manyfold.
What do you do at such times? When the need to be someone else is so strong that your perfect life seems to be suffocating? I admit I am not brave enough to make drastic changes to chase a dream. But staying on the same path forever isn’t an option either. So, I have learned to come to terms with this feeling without letting myself drown in frustration. These five points have helped me immensely and I hope that they connect with you too.
- Chart a plan to achieve what I want to. Nothing very grand. Just simple steps I can take every day and over a few months. I ensure not to overwhelm myself with grand plans that I cannot keep up. I have done this mistake many times in the past and set myself up for episodes of confidence crash. If you don’t know what you want, the plan could include everything you want to try before deciding on that “one” thing. But again, don’t try everything “at once”. Plan and execute.
- Continue with the “what I should be” while the plan is in action. They say, take it one day at a time. I bring it down to take it one minute at a time. Yes! For example, if I have to cook, I focus on every single ingredient, every stir of the spoon, every slice of the knife. No other thoughts, no suffocation, no negativity. Only a complete focus on the mechanical motion of completing the task, whatever it may be. This ensures that I accomplish the task well without hurting myself with negativity. Often, it is the resistance that wears us down. “No! But I have been doing this for so long! I can’t take it anymore. I need a &@(!! break!”. Try to avoid this mindset. Of course, we are not all saints to accept everything. However, we also need to acknowledge the futility of complaining. At such times, the path of least resistance allows us to complete our duty without being bruised ourselves.
- Talk and share.
- Do not compare. There may be others who might have reached where I want to be faster, with more aggression. I don’t beat myself for not being the best. I only try to do “my” best. I learn to take the inspiration and refine the plan. Again no point in negativity. Learn and move on.
- Distract. I find that I naturally read a lot in such situations. Not self-help books. Just any good book. As always, it is one of the best remedies to a restless soul. If you don’t read, do anything that you do like. Maybe just take a walk every day, do a cross word, paint, listen to music or watch old movies. Whatever it is that keeps you engaged and happy.
Hope this helps! Please do share your experiences and thoughts on overcoming negativity.